capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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