It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
