i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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