I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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