Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
