I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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