He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize