remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
