i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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