Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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