AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
