Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
