My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
