I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
