Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
