i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize