piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize