What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
