well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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