so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wear drunk well.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
