You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
