Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
