Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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