he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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