A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
