I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
