I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
