So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize