i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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