We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
be right there i have to get my cape
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
