Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
