If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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