out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
