Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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