In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
