How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
