in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
