i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
