Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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