hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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