he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
