Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

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(314): View more from Missouri

I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.

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(719): View more from Colorado

He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"

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(518): View more from New York

our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...

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(386): View more from Florida

Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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(206): View more from Washington

But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here

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(813): View more from Florida

My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success

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