I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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