i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
