I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
