I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
