i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
