Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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