someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
being pregnant is like rehab
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
