hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
