remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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