Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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