sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
