Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
