paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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