it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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