He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
