this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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