I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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