Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
