I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
