Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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