im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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