She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this just has baby written all over it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You ruined the universe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
