oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
