ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
