dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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