you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize