Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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