so that wasnt chicken after all
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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