So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize