At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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