Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize