Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
