cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
