3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
