What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
PANTIES FOUND
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