just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
