I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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